What If You
by Alice.1993
Summary: Based on What If You by Josh Radin. Elliot is going through a series of jerk boyfriends and is using JD.
1. Chapter 1

**I wrote this ages ago and I'm finally posting it, it could be very long and I don't have any idea how long it's going to be between posting chapters. Knowing me ages. :)**

**Hope you like it anyway. As always I don't own Scrubs. R&R.**

JD lay on his bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling, lost deep in thought. He heard his phone ringing but he didn't go to answer it, after a minute the answer machine picked up. He heard Elliot's voice,

'Um, It's me. Elliot. I guess you're not in, or sleeping, or just not answering the phone. Look, sorry about last night, I shouldn't have used you like that. It's just I really thought Josh was right for me, then it all fell apart. I really shouldn't say this on an answer machine. Can you just, call me when you get his message please? Sorry JD, I'm so sorry.'

Tears were rolling down JD's face. Elliot had done it again. Ended it with whatever pathetic excuse for a boyfriend she was with and run to him for comfort, every time it ended the same way. One night together, followed by one awkward morning. JD would leave, Elliot would apologize for using him as a comfort again and everything would get back to normal.

Except it wasn't normal. Nothing had been normal since their twisted pattern had begun. Every time it happened it felt like someone was stabbing JD in his heart. He really loved Elliot, he really cared. Yet she only ever used him as rebound sex, she only ever had relationships with jerks. She never realised how he really felt.

She didn't love him. And he hated her for that. Hated that through all she did to him, all the times she hurt him so much he felt he could never be the same, he still loved her. Still answered her every crying phone call at the end of every relationship, still put himself through the pain just to have one night with her. One night where he could pretend things were different. Pretend she felt the same.

He didn't know how much more he could take before he broke. He needed to get away from it, but to do that he'd have to leave everything. Carla, Turk, Dr. Cox, and worst of all Elliot. The girl who was both the reason he wanted to leave, and the reason he couldn't.

He wished he could turn back the clock, to before he had these feelings for her, before their cycle began.

Awhile ago he would have had some weird fantasy about literally turning back a clock then.

Not anymore. He was different than before. Not the happy, quirky, dreamy guy he used to be. More serious, more grounded. Heartbroken. Several times.

He heard the phone ringing, again he let the answer machine pick up. This time it was Carla's voice on the other end.

'Hey JD, Elliot told me that it happened again. I just wanted to see if you were OK. I don't know why you two keep doing this, it's dragging you down so much JD. Anyway, call me when you get this, I need to know you're OK.'

He knew he had to end it. He just had to have one more night with her, one last chance at a happy ending. Even though he knew it would never come.


	2. Chapter 2

'Hey JD.' Elliot greeted her friend with an apologetic smile.

'Hey.' He smiled awkwardly back. There was a long pause before Elliot spoke again.

'Did you, uh, get my message?'

'Yeah, I did this morning.'

'Look JD, I'm…'

'Sorry. Yeah I know.' JD said before moving past her to get on with his day.

Elliot hung her head. She wished she hadn't done it. Wished she'd learnt from the time before, or the time before that. Wished she'd called someone other JD. Wished she was strong enough to handle a break up on her own. Wished she could spot a jerk before he'd already hurt her.

Why did it always end up like this? Why did they always end up sleeping with each other? She didn't ever mean it to. She always just wanted comfort when she called JD. Always thought that 'this time it'll be different. This time it won't happen.' It always did. When would she learn?

'You alright Elliot?' Carla asked as she saw her walk up slowly.

'I will be. I don't think JD's forgiven me yet.'

'I wouldn't expect him to. Why did you call him again? Haven't you learnt what always happens?'

'Apparently not. Every time I think it'll be different. I don't even know why I want JD there so much that I risk it.'

'Neither do I. You should talk to him anyway.'

'I've tried but it's so awkward.'

'Try harder' Carla said before walking off.

Meanwhile JD was visiting patients. He walked into one's room slowly. Just wanting to go home and leave any possible contact with Elliot, or anyone who heard what happened and would give him sad, sympathetic smiles and Elliot angry looks.

The weird thing is although he was annoyed at Elliot, he got more angry at people who blamed her. When he thought about it logically it was all her fault. Yet he couldn't bring himself to blame her. He couldn't bring himself to hate her. He hated himself for being so pathetic, for not just talking to her over the phone. For not having any sense. But he could never just leave her upset, he knew that.

'Hi Miss. Atton I'm Dr. Dorian, I'm, well, your doctor.'

'Hi Dr. Dorian. Call me Georgie.'

JD read the girls chart. Date of birth: 31st of January 1994. 14 years old then. Symptoms: Nausea, fatigue, frequent fainting.

'OK. So, um, you've been nauseous, suffering from fatigue and fainting?'

'Yeah, that's right.' She smiled at him, it felt out of place that someone was giving him a normal smile, someone was living a fairly normal life. Tears pricked his eyes as he thought about what could be with Elliot if he just told her how he felt.

'Dr. Dorian, are you OK?'

'Um, yeah, I'm fine.' He said quickly blinking the tears away. 'I'm gonna run some tests and try and find out what's wrong with you OK?' he kept his eyes fixed firmly on the chart, constantly keeping himself from crying.

'OK.' Georgie said, as she tried to figure out what was wrong.

JD practically ran out of the room holding back tears.

'JD what's wrong?' Turk asked, concerned.

'Nothing man, I'm, um, I'm fine.'

'You sure? You don't look OK.'

'Yes Turk. I'm fine.' JD snapped back angrily.

'OK man, by the way Elliot's looking for you. She wants to make sure you're OK.'

'Well if you see her tell her that I'm just fine, I just want everyone to stop checking I'm ok, or giving my constant sympathetic smiles. Trust me, it's happened enough times that I really don't care anymore.' JD yelled at Turk.

'Ok, I'll tell her that.' Turk said slowly, shocked at JD's outburst, as he slowly backed away from him.

'JD.' Elliot said softly coming up behind JD.

JD didn't even acknowledge her presence; he simply walked off as everyone who was in the immediate area stared at him, like he was a bomb that could go off at any second.

JD automatically walked to the doctor's lounge and sat down hard on the sofa, running his hands through his hair and letting out a deep breath.

'Why am I like this? Why does this hurt so much?' JD said to himself.

'Because you love her Newbie.' JD looked up at the voice to see Dr. Cox stood at the doorway.

'No, I don't that's crazy.' JD lied, but he could feel his cheeks turning red as he spoke.

'Yes you do kid, it's obvious, don't even bother trying to hide it. Look, I know what Elliot did to you sucked, it did, but she didn't mean to hurt you.' Dr. Cox's tone was uncharacteristically soft, but all the same JD lashed out at him.

'What so Elliot sent you to talk to me? Convince me she 'never meant to hurt me'? You're pathetic.' JD got up and shoved past Dr. Cox

'Stop running away from everyone Newbie. It won't make anything better.'

'You know what won't make anything better? Everyone bothering me all the time. Why can't everyone just leave me alone.' JD shouted the last sentence and stormed out, slamming the door behind.

Dr. Cox sat on the sofa and ran his hands through his hair, just like JD had done.

'Why is he like this?'


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's chapter 3.**

**As usual I own nothing. :)**

JD collapsed onto his bed at home. It had been a long day, only lengthened by having to spend all of it avoiding everyone.

He just wanted to be left alone to get over this at his own pace, but they couldn't do that could they?

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

He ignored it, probably just one of his friends wanting to talk to him. They'd go away when they realised he really didn't want to talk about it.

However the knocking continued for several minutes, growing constantly louder and faster. Eventually it got to the point where JD decided it would be easier to answer it and face whoever it was than ignore it anymore.

He slowly stood up off his bed and dragged his feet over to the door. He opened it and sighed as he saw Elliot, looking very impatient, and slightly worried, standing outside.

'What?' He said bluntly,

'We need to talk.'

'How did I guess?'

'Look, I know you don't want to. I get that, I understand, but this will never get better unless we talk about it. It's not going to go away on it's own.'

'It won't get much better if we do talk about it.'

'Yes it will JD. Trust me.'

JD couldn't help but trust her when she said that, so he decided to give in. After all, how difficult could talking to Elliot be?

'Fine.' He sighed, 'Come on in.'

Elliot grinned at him for a second, but when he joined her on the sofa her face was deadly serious again.

'Where do you want to start?' JD said, like they were going to talk about an unimportant matter.

'Well, I know I've said it loads of times before but I'm sorry.'

'Yes, Elliot, I know. Remember the last ten times you told me that?'

'I know I just need to you to understand how sorry I am. I never call you meaning for it to happen. I know it's stupid, I know I should've learnt by now but every time I find out my boyfriend's a jerk and I decide I need someone with me I go through everyone I know and you're the only person I ever want to call, so I tell myself 'This time it'll be different. This time it won't happen.' I never mean it to. Never really want it to. Don't get me wrong I love it when it's happening, but the repercussions aren't worth it. Hurting you isn't worth it. So can you forgive me? I know I'm an idiot and it's all my fault. You can take as long as you want I just need to know if, at some point, you can forgive me.'

'Course I can. And it's not all your fault Elliot, I should know not to come I just, never want to turn you down and leave you alone. Don't want to hurt you.'

Elliot looked so touched. JD could swear, just for a second, that he could see the same deep love in her eyes. The same pain that he felt that they weren't, and probably never would be, together. At that moment he almost told her how he really felt. But then the look was gone, replaced with the usual way she looked at him, just a friend. A close friend yes, but all the same, just a friend.

'Are you going to be OK then?' Elliot asked him when the moment was over.

'Yeah, I'll be fine. Maybe not straight away, I can't help the fact it hurts, but give me some time and I'll be fine.'

'Great.' Elliot grinned at him.

He loved that smile. He could feel tears filling his eyes, he had to get her to leave.

'Hey, are you OK?' Elliot said touching his hand.

He loved that touch, loved that she was always concerned if he was OK. Even when she was the reason he wasn't.

'Yeah, I'm fine.' He choked out, his voice broke on the last word. 'I'm just glad we're going to be OK.'

Elliot looked at him doubtfully, urging him to tell her the reason he was upset, but JD looked at her in a way that told her to drop it, that he wasn't going to say.

'OK. I'll see at work then? Or would you rather I stayed?'

'No. You should go, I'll see at work.'

'OK JD, see you tomorrow. I'm glad you're going to be OK, and it means a lot that you'd forgive me, I know what I did was wrong.'

'Forget about it. Bye then.' JD said, keeping his head firmly down as the tears began to fall.

'Bye.' Elliot said sympathetically. Before she left she bent down and kissed him on the cheek.

JD held it together until she left but the moment his door closed he broke down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's been such a long time since I updated. I meant to update ages ago but never actually got round to it.**

**If you review the next chapter might come quicker. *hint hint***

JD walked up the stairs to the hospital. He was dreading today, admittedly not as much as he was dreading yesterday. But to be honest that didn't really say much.

As he entered the doors he saw the Janitor mopping the floor in front of him. He expected to be tripped up and have some comment calling him an idiot or know it all, as contradicting as those two things were.

Not today.

Clearly the news about what had happened between JD and Elliot had now finally reached him as when JD came equal with him he simply pulled his mop out of the way and nodded at him.

Even the Janitor was acting sympathetic.

Today would be better, he had talked to Elliot, maybe now everyone would accept he just needed to get over this at his own pace.

'JD, you OK?' Carla said when she spotted him.

Maybe not then.

'Yeah I'm fine, me and Elliot talked last night.'

'Yeah, she said. I was just checking.'

'OK, did she say anything that happened?'

'Just that you talked about it and you said you'd forgive her and that you'd be OK eventually. Why?'

'I was just checking you knew what happened.'

JD was relieved Elliot hadn't told Carla he'd started crying, although he was in no doubt that Elliot would want to talk about that at some point today.

'OK, well you don't have many patients today. I think Dr. Cox has decided you aren't fit to treat many people and is taking them all for you.'

JD sighed exasperatedly and rolled his eyes.

'I'll talk to him about that later.' JD said and walked further into the hospital.

He didn't see Elliot all morning, but apparently the news that he had talked about it and was going to be OK had got around as he wasn't receiving nearly so many sympathetic looks or smiles.

Thank God for that.

After a morning of going between patient's rooms and not really seeing any of his friends, aside from an occasional meeting with Carla at the nurse's station, he walked into the cafeteria for lunch.

Sat at a table were Turk, Carla and Elliot, so after he had got his lunch he went over and sat with them.

'Hey guys.' He said as he put his tray down opposite Elliot. Everyone looked up and there was a general greeting of 'Hey JD.'

This was much better than yesterday. Everything was basically back to normal, only one thing was different. Every time he looked at Elliot she would be sat there staring at him, as if trying to figure something out.

'What?' JD asked when he had caught her looking at him like that for at least the tenth time.

'Oh, um, nothing. I was just thinking about a patient.' She murmured, staring down at her food as her cheeks turned red.

'Am I a patient? Because you seem to be staring at me a lot.'

'No, it's just you're opposite me. I'm not staring at anyone particularly, just forward. Sadly, that means you JD.'

'Whatever.' He said shaking his head.

'Anyway, I have to get back, I've got a major surgery this afternoon.' Turk said as he stood up, 'good to see you're OK JD.'

'Yeah, I just needed a little bit of time and to talk I guess.'

Turk nodded and walked off after kissing Carla goodbye. JD then saw Dr. Cox at a table on the other side of the room and got up to go and talk to him.

'Dr. Cox.' He said, trying to sound angry.

'Yes, m'lady.' Dr. Cox said without looking up.

'You've taken half my patients without asking and I would like to have them back.'

'With all due respect Clara, which by the way is practically none, you were hardly in a fit state to treat patients yesterday. Why should you be any different today?'

'Because I talked to Elliot about it all last night, just like you all wanted me to yesterday, and now people aren't treated me like I'm an extremely fragile piece of glass which could break at any second. So I would like them back. I know you will never admit it but I'm a good doctor now, and I would like to do my job and treat patients and that means you have to give them back.'

'Be my guest then, because I have been rushed off my feet this morning looking after all of yours. But could you do me a favour? Tell all your patients that they are now going to die due to your, larger than normal, incompetence yourself. I really don't have time to run around warning them all.'

JD rolled his eyes and walked out of the cafeteria, everything was slowly getting back to normal and everyone thought he was OK. Which he would be, eventually. He just wasn't quite there yet.


End file.
